i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
