He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
