Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
