Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
