I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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