ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
