So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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