Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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