Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
