Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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