yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
