The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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