I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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