I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
