we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just high enough for therapy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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