just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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