May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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