And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
