Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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