Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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