is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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