She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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