the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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