I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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