His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
