Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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