My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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