update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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