So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
