And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
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saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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