CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
