Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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