Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
