I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
