I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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