I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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