How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
