Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
