I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
did i walk over a car last night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
