i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
