Im at strip club and am horny
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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