i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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