Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
