Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No subtext here. People are naked.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
