She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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