i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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