2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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