After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
