apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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