Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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