Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
