So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
