he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
