guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
