I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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