I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
