I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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