I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize