well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
