goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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