I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize