Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
